Things I am thinking about today

I am still 3 sizes bigger than I should be. I am still in my enormous pants. I am starting to hate these pants.

After my daycare, train pass, bus pass, parking pass, etc, I really only have like $800 left from my paycheck. This working thing is just not working....

I keep seeing all these cute new clothes coming out from J. Crew but I have neither funds nor figure for it all.

My sweet baby H was sleeping when I left this morning so I didn't get to kiss him goodbye. I should have done so when I was feeding him at 5am, but I was too delirious to think of it.

My house is a disaster area...I have no time/energy to clean it and my husband isn't much of a self-starter when it comes to cleaning. The Laundry is piling up- both clean and dirty, I am pretty sure there are bras in my couch and I keep finding ants in my dishwasher!-yuck.

My garden hates me. I planted herbs-rosemary, thyme, cilantro, basil, marjoram, arugula, Boston lettuce, eggplant, tomato and spring onion and none of it seems to be doing anything at all. I had visions of fresh organic produce all summer long--caprese salads plucked from my porch--free and fresh vegetables piled on my counter tops. I am not sure how long I should wait before I start over- I see some green, but not much.

I am such a downer.....being away from H has sucked the life out of me. I gotta snap out of this.

MIA

Sorry I have been MIA-

Work and the new hellish commute routine and exhaustion have just taken so much out of me that I never have the energy to come up with a great post...

I am still reading your blogs though and hopefully I will bounce back soon...

Here is an H pic for you in the mean time....

plus I read an interesting article today that I wanted to share. I have been a handful lately- over emotional and just plain mad about going back to work. I try to retain some perspective about the fact that it is also hard for Big Guy- even though sometimes I think he has no idea about how hard things are for me right now. Anyway- I am trying to think about him too... especially since today is our two year wedding anniversary.

Tummy Time

First Day Back

Today was the first day back to work. I made it out of the house in one piece. I picked out an outfit last night to avoid any baby weight melt-downs and even showered and blew out my hair to make sure it looked cute. If I was going to be miserable, I might as well look good. I got up and fed and changed H- but not without incident. I had just removed his diaper and was reaching for a new one when he smiled and brought his knees to his chest and explosive pooed on my arm. I let out a surprised yelp and then started laughing. It was really gross, but he is so cute that you can't get mad at him--even when he poops on your arm! Once I got everything cleaned up and put him back together-diaper, onesie, sleeper- I handed him off to my mom while I got dressed. After I got dressed I decided to feed him a little more since he passed out earlier while he was eating. I just sat there and stared at him in disbelief. i couldn't believe it had been three whole months since I had him- he has changed so much and grown so fast and it had all seemed to fly by. I hugged and kissed him and left him with my mom for the day and made it all the way to the garage before the water works started. It wasn't too bad. Part of me knows he is safe with my mom and that is a HUGE comfort. All the sadness is about missing him, and knowing that I will miss him every day. I think this is a cruel situation for a mother to have to be in, but I know many have done it before and I know I just have to grin and bear it.
I hope you all had good days today- I can't wait to get home and kiss my baby.